I don't know. Yes, that seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life. Why? I think I've finally figured it out.

I never make decisions because I'm afraid to fail
What to eat, what to wear, how to sort through my emails
So, I set myself up to fail 'cause I get overwhelmed
It's always one thing or another, living in this mortal realm
So I end up picking nothing and so nothing gets done
And in the end I am a failure, my accomplishments are none
I have bad grades already, I never know where to start
I can't make myself get started 'till I know what's in my heart
My room is a mess and my car is too
I know all of this can't be happening to you
So how do I fix this, how does the story end
I need you to tell me what to do if you manage to comprehend

Now, why I made a rap I don't know for sure, it honestly just came out of my head like that. So really I just need a lot of help. I need to have someone remove all televisions from my house and take away all electronics for anything to work. I also really truthfully think that I need ADHD medicine because even if I begin my homework or cleaning or something I either physically can't force myself to concentrate after a couple of minutes or I easily get distracted by things that should not be distracting. How do I go about doing this? I don't know, but I hope i figure it out soon because I can't deal with crying every night because of the stress anymore. I just had to get that out.

I feel so alone here. I only truly know people over the internet. I never go out because I hate it here and there's nothing to do. I really just want to run away to New York right now where I can go outside and be around people, but I don't know how I would finish high school so I probably wouldn't and I'd end up doing something drastic like being a stripper and that can't end well. Then if I stay here and finish out high school (and I manage to not fail) and make it into college (miraculously) I don't know what to major in because I change my mind about what I really want daily. I have no idea what I want and I do not know how to decide.

Now this is where I ask for your help... What would you do?

So staying home sick from school always sounds good in theory until you're actually sick. This means that not only do you have to suffer through the sickness, but you also have two times as much work to do in less time once you get back. Three times in my case because I wasn't at school yesterday, either. This on top of the fact that no matter what channel you turn the television to there are always food ads. Maybe I should just try to sleep through it all if I can manage to lay down without throwing up again. I don't know...

Love Always
Sascha

My dad just set me back an hour or two in working because he was making me look up a bunch of different colleges that, if I don't get all of this work done, I will not be going to anyway. Oh well, he is kept out of the loop for a reason. Although now he is snoring loudly next to me and I cannot concentrate. Ah, parents.

Love Always
Sascha